Tuesday, June 22, 2010

If I'm not back in 5 minutes, call the cops.

I have a cough.

I’ve had it for 5 days.

There is no end in sight.

I’m almost desperate enough to take drastic measures like sticking a vacuum hose in my mouth to try to suck out the ... flegm … (flegm? flem? phlegm?) … mucus.

It sounds like a shotgun is going off in my cubicle every time the tickle in my throat gets unbearable.

I brought some cookies to work as a peace offering on Monday, but I have a feeling my coworkers are currently plotting my demise. I’m sure it involves a strobe light, water torture and seasons 1 through 3 of Barney and Friends.

Help me.
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6 comments:

  1. Super Happy GirlJune 22, 2010 at 1:45 PM

    I’m almost desperate enough to take drastic measures and go to the doctor.

    FIFY!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ShortyJune 22, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    Get to the doc! What are you waiting for? No need to torture yourself... or your neighbors/family. We have technology these days that will heal you completely. And probably pretty fast, too. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

    ReplyDelete
  3. JMaddJune 22, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    I hate phlegm and mucous. They have drugs for that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Carrot JelloJune 22, 2010 at 6:30 PM

    I hate Barney. You'd better get well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Carrot JelloJune 23, 2010 at 7:08 AM

    I called the cops. They'll be there shortly.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Carrot JelloJune 23, 2010 at 7:09 AM

    After they figure out what your last name is. I just told them your first.

    ReplyDelete