My nephew just sent me this video saying that it was funnier than it was probably supposed to be.
It reminded me of this video. I'm trying to find words to describe it, and none come close.
Train wreck?
Awesomely bad?
A comedy of errors?
Yeah, nothing is strong enough.
Enjoy!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Nathan vs. the Little Giant
My parents have officially moved to Utah. Have I said that already?
The other day, I was helping them hang pictures, and I had to hang one at the top of a stairwell. As tall and thin as I am, it was pretty much impossible to do without an extension ladder.
Since my parents don't own one, I skipped over to the neighbor's to borrow theirs.
The wife said they had a Little Giant and took me into the garage to get it.
(Tangent)
This was my first encounter with a Little Giant. I thought it was going to be awesome to use such a versatile ladder. I had no idea it would weigh 485 lbs.
... And that one small fact is the source of my shame.
(End Tangent)
It was mounted on a couple hooks and tucked in a corner right in front of their family suburban. I walked up to the ladder without any real concerns and heaved upward.
It didn't budge.
As my face slowly turned a beautiful shade of crimson, I adjusted and heaved upward again.
I think it shifted about an inch.
As I tried to deny my defeat and try again, the wife shyly said, "Oh, my husband can get it down."
Yes. I know I don't have an ounce of muscle mass.
Yes. I know most 5-year-old girls can beat me in an arm wrestle.
On my third attempt, I managed to get it off the hooks and onto the ground. It was touch and go there for a minute as I almost staggered backward into their suburban, but I managed to avoid any lasting property damage.
As I stumbled away under the weight of the heaviest ladder ever made, she asked if I'd like her son to help me.
Trying to recover the last vestiges of my pride, I told her I was fine and made it back to my parent's house. It wasn't until I got there that I saw the bruise.
Little Giant: 1
Nathan: 0
The other day, I was helping them hang pictures, and I had to hang one at the top of a stairwell. As tall and thin as I am, it was pretty much impossible to do without an extension ladder.
Since my parents don't own one, I skipped over to the neighbor's to borrow theirs.
The wife said they had a Little Giant and took me into the garage to get it.
(Tangent)
This was my first encounter with a Little Giant. I thought it was going to be awesome to use such a versatile ladder. I had no idea it would weigh 485 lbs.
... And that one small fact is the source of my shame.
(End Tangent)
It was mounted on a couple hooks and tucked in a corner right in front of their family suburban. I walked up to the ladder without any real concerns and heaved upward.
It didn't budge.
As my face slowly turned a beautiful shade of crimson, I adjusted and heaved upward again.
I think it shifted about an inch.
As I tried to deny my defeat and try again, the wife shyly said, "Oh, my husband can get it down."
Yes. I know I don't have an ounce of muscle mass.
Yes. I know most 5-year-old girls can beat me in an arm wrestle.
On my third attempt, I managed to get it off the hooks and onto the ground. It was touch and go there for a minute as I almost staggered backward into their suburban, but I managed to avoid any lasting property damage.
As I stumbled away under the weight of the heaviest ladder ever made, she asked if I'd like her son to help me.
Trying to recover the last vestiges of my pride, I told her I was fine and made it back to my parent's house. It wasn't until I got there that I saw the bruise.
Little Giant: 1
Nathan: 0
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Film Crews and Mortification
My sister-in-law just got a nice check for letting a popular TV show film a scene on her doorstep.
A few months ago, she heard a knock at the door and found a guy who wanted to know what her interest would be in letting her house be the scene in an upcoming episode. They own a cute little green New England style home in California with white trim. At first she was a little hesitant, but once they mentioned compensation, she jumped at it.
(Tangent)
And wouldn't we all jump at the chance to get paid just for picking the right house and enslaving ourselves to a mortgage?
(End Tangent)
I should mention that this sister-in-law has four children under the age of six (within five years of each other), including a set of twins. Needless to say, she is a busy woman and life can get pretty crazy.
When the guy came back to draw up the contract (specifying what the crew is allowed to do and where they are allowed to film), my sister-in-law nervously started mentioning that if they needed to plant any flowers in the yard or if they needed to spray paint the lawn green, she would be just fine with that.
The guy sort of shrugged and made a vaguely affirmative grunt.
When the fateful day came, my sister-in-law, brother and their kids were away on vacation, so her brother was on site to represent the homeowners.
The TV crews arrived along with the actors. At one point, my sister-in-law got a phone call from her brother.
He said, "Yeah, I don't think you need to worry about planting flowers or spray painting the lawn. It's a white trash scene."
My sister-in-law was mortified and suddenly extremely grateful she was anywhere but her house.
Later, her brother mentioned that when they saw the couch in the living room (which has more than a few rips in the fabric), the crew enthusiastically said, "Oh! We should put that out on the porch. It would look perfect."
Personally, I can't wait to see the episode.
A few months ago, she heard a knock at the door and found a guy who wanted to know what her interest would be in letting her house be the scene in an upcoming episode. They own a cute little green New England style home in California with white trim. At first she was a little hesitant, but once they mentioned compensation, she jumped at it.
(Tangent)
And wouldn't we all jump at the chance to get paid just for picking the right house and enslaving ourselves to a mortgage?
(End Tangent)
I should mention that this sister-in-law has four children under the age of six (within five years of each other), including a set of twins. Needless to say, she is a busy woman and life can get pretty crazy.
When the guy came back to draw up the contract (specifying what the crew is allowed to do and where they are allowed to film), my sister-in-law nervously started mentioning that if they needed to plant any flowers in the yard or if they needed to spray paint the lawn green, she would be just fine with that.
The guy sort of shrugged and made a vaguely affirmative grunt.
When the fateful day came, my sister-in-law, brother and their kids were away on vacation, so her brother was on site to represent the homeowners.
The TV crews arrived along with the actors. At one point, my sister-in-law got a phone call from her brother.
He said, "Yeah, I don't think you need to worry about planting flowers or spray painting the lawn. It's a white trash scene."
My sister-in-law was mortified and suddenly extremely grateful she was anywhere but her house.
Later, her brother mentioned that when they saw the couch in the living room (which has more than a few rips in the fabric), the crew enthusiastically said, "Oh! We should put that out on the porch. It would look perfect."
Personally, I can't wait to see the episode.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Walmart
Yesterday, I was walking out of Walmart when I noticed a guy vigorously scrubbing his underarms with the disinfectant wipes they supply to clean the handle bars of the carts.
I used to say that if you want to get an accurate snapshot of humanity in all its forms, the best place to go is the DMV.
I think Walmart might be a close second.
And regarding the nice gentleman attempting good hygiene? At least he gave it the old college try.
I used to say that if you want to get an accurate snapshot of humanity in all its forms, the best place to go is the DMV.
I think Walmart might be a close second.
And regarding the nice gentleman attempting good hygiene? At least he gave it the old college try.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Next week = Death and Mayhem
So ... I'm in a masters program right now, which I'm doing on the side of my full-time job.
I'm currently enrolled in a class with weekly deadlines, and next week I'll start an intensive class taught all day, every day of the week.
I hear it is horrible with major class work during the day and then a nightly paper before getting up and doing it all again.
But since I seem to love doing stupid things, I figure this isn't anything out of the ordinary.
So, hopefully I don't die.
Fingers crossed.
I'm currently enrolled in a class with weekly deadlines, and next week I'll start an intensive class taught all day, every day of the week.
I hear it is horrible with major class work during the day and then a nightly paper before getting up and doing it all again.
But since I seem to love doing stupid things, I figure this isn't anything out of the ordinary.
So, hopefully I don't die.
Fingers crossed.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Special Agent Nathan
Last night, I was on the phone with my sister, and I missed a call from my brother.
(Tangent)
This is the popular brother with all the nieces and nephews. He scuba dives, he got certified to sky dive, and he used to work for the Secret Service. Now he works for another government agency.
Anytime he's around, all the kids want to see his gun or his badge, while all I have to offer is my business card or the report I just edited.
(End Tangent)
When I called him back, he said he already got what he needed.
It turns out he is tracking a pedophile who fled authorities in Utah and is currently hiding out in California. They have his cell number, and they are going to find him by getting his location from it, but first he had to find out if it was still active. He wanted someone with a Utah number to call him, pretending to have called a wrong number. Before I called him back, he found someone to do it for him.
I was THIS CLOSE to having a part in a covert op.
THIS. CLOSE.
(Tangent)
This is the popular brother with all the nieces and nephews. He scuba dives, he got certified to sky dive, and he used to work for the Secret Service. Now he works for another government agency.
Anytime he's around, all the kids want to see his gun or his badge, while all I have to offer is my business card or the report I just edited.
(End Tangent)
When I called him back, he said he already got what he needed.
It turns out he is tracking a pedophile who fled authorities in Utah and is currently hiding out in California. They have his cell number, and they are going to find him by getting his location from it, but first he had to find out if it was still active. He wanted someone with a Utah number to call him, pretending to have called a wrong number. Before I called him back, he found someone to do it for him.
I was THIS CLOSE to having a part in a covert op.
THIS. CLOSE.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Perfect Day
Do you remember My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding?
(Tangent)
I love that movie for many reasons, but one of them is how similar it is to my family and my in-laws. My family is falling out all over the place with too much noise and everyone talking over each other. When we go to my wife's family, it is nice and quiet, and I can actually get a little reading done.
(End Tangent)
Do you remember the scene when she is finally working in the travel agency and happy, peppy music is playing in the background and she's spinning around in her chair, filing documents, making reservations, and using all the military terms for repeating letters (Alpha, Charlie, etc.)?
That is me today. It all started with hearing Good Life by One Republic on the way into work this morning.
All day, I've had a breezy attitude thanks to the vibe of the chorus, and all my appointments have been with students who have been doing what they should and getting good grades because of it.
Now I'm just waiting for the moment when (metaphorically speaking) I get up from my chair and get whiplash because I'm still attached to my headset.
(That was a poor excuse for a segue back to My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding, for the majority of you who probably couldn't read my mind.)
(Tangent)
I love that movie for many reasons, but one of them is how similar it is to my family and my in-laws. My family is falling out all over the place with too much noise and everyone talking over each other. When we go to my wife's family, it is nice and quiet, and I can actually get a little reading done.
(End Tangent)
Do you remember the scene when she is finally working in the travel agency and happy, peppy music is playing in the background and she's spinning around in her chair, filing documents, making reservations, and using all the military terms for repeating letters (Alpha, Charlie, etc.)?
That is me today. It all started with hearing Good Life by One Republic on the way into work this morning.
All day, I've had a breezy attitude thanks to the vibe of the chorus, and all my appointments have been with students who have been doing what they should and getting good grades because of it.
Now I'm just waiting for the moment when (metaphorically speaking) I get up from my chair and get whiplash because I'm still attached to my headset.
(That was a poor excuse for a segue back to My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding, for the majority of you who probably couldn't read my mind.)
Monday, June 6, 2011
Pockets: A girl's best friend
My daughter has a thing for pockets recently. If we go somewhere, she has to stuff half her bedroom into her pockets.
Well ...
The other day, she wanted to wear the following dress:
Do you notice a problem?
Yep. No pockets.
But that doesn't stop someone like my daughter.
She discovered a handy place to stuff all her junk.
Can you guess where it is?
(scroll down)
That's right. All afternoon my daughter waltzed around the house looking ... mature for her age.
Fortunately, she was oblivious about what she looked like with the extra ... padding.
Well ...
The other day, she wanted to wear the following dress:
Do you notice a problem?
Yep. No pockets.
But that doesn't stop someone like my daughter.
She discovered a handy place to stuff all her junk.
Can you guess where it is?
(scroll down)
That's right. All afternoon my daughter waltzed around the house looking ... mature for her age.
Fortunately, she was oblivious about what she looked like with the extra ... padding.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Unstoppable
You know that movie Unstoppable?
It's about the train that won't stop.
Yeah, it sounded boring to me too.
I heard it was about colliding trains, and I thought, "Great, a two-hour movie about a 5th grade word problem."
At 7:30 a.m., an express train traveling at 60 miles per hour leaves Santa Fe bound for Phoenix, 520 miles away. At the same time, a local train traveling 30 miles an hour carrying 40 passengers leaves Phoenix bound for Santa Fe ...
Well, my wife and I watched it the other night, and I have to admit ...
... 5th grade word problems are more intense than I thought.
It's about the train that won't stop.
Yeah, it sounded boring to me too.
I heard it was about colliding trains, and I thought, "Great, a two-hour movie about a 5th grade word problem."
At 7:30 a.m., an express train traveling at 60 miles per hour leaves Santa Fe bound for Phoenix, 520 miles away. At the same time, a local train traveling 30 miles an hour carrying 40 passengers leaves Phoenix bound for Santa Fe ...
Well, my wife and I watched it the other night, and I have to admit ...
... 5th grade word problems are more intense than I thought.
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