Friday, August 26, 2011

Train Wreck

My nephew just sent me this video saying that it was funnier than it was probably supposed to be.

It reminded me of this video. I'm trying to find words to describe it, and none come close.

Train wreck?

Awesomely bad?

A comedy of errors?

Yeah, nothing is strong enough.


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Nathan vs. the Little Giant

My parents have officially moved to Utah. Have I said that already?

The other day, I was helping them hang pictures, and I had to hang one at the top of a stairwell. As tall and thin as I am, it was pretty much impossible to do without an extension ladder.

Since my parents don't own one, I skipped over to the neighbor's to borrow theirs.

The wife said they had a Little Giant and took me into the garage to get it.

This was my first encounter with a Little Giant. I thought it was going to be awesome to use such a versatile ladder. I had no idea it would weigh 485 lbs.

... And that one small fact is the source of my shame.
(End Tangent)

It was mounted on a couple hooks and tucked in a corner right in front of their family suburban. I walked up to the ladder without any real concerns and heaved upward.

It didn't budge.

As my face slowly turned a beautiful shade of crimson, I adjusted and heaved upward again.

I think it shifted about an inch.

As I tried to deny my defeat and try again, the wife shyly said, "Oh, my husband can get it down."

Yes. I know I don't have an ounce of muscle mass.

Yes. I know most 5-year-old girls can beat me in an arm wrestle.

On my third attempt, I managed to get it off the hooks and onto the ground. It was touch and go there for a minute as I almost staggered backward into their suburban, but I managed to avoid any lasting property damage.

As I stumbled away under the weight of the heaviest ladder ever made, she asked if I'd like her son to help me.

Trying to recover the last vestiges of my pride, I told her I was fine and made it back to my parent's house. It wasn't until I got there that I saw the bruise.

Little Giant: 1
Nathan: 0

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Film Crews and Mortification

My sister-in-law just got a nice check for letting a popular TV show film a scene on her doorstep.

A few months ago, she heard a knock at the door and found a guy who wanted to know what her interest would be in letting her house be the scene in an upcoming episode. They own a cute little green New England style home in California with white trim. At first she was a little hesitant, but once they mentioned compensation, she jumped at it.

And wouldn't we all jump at the chance to get paid just for picking the right house and enslaving ourselves to a mortgage?
(End Tangent)

I should mention that this sister-in-law has four children under the age of six (within five years of each other), including a set of twins. Needless to say, she is a busy woman and life can get pretty crazy.

When the guy came back to draw up the contract (specifying what the crew is allowed to do and where they are allowed to film), my sister-in-law nervously started mentioning that if they needed to plant any flowers in the yard or if they needed to spray paint the lawn green, she would be just fine with that.

The guy sort of shrugged and made a vaguely affirmative grunt.

When the fateful day came, my sister-in-law, brother and their kids were away on vacation, so her brother was on site to represent the homeowners.

The TV crews arrived along with the actors. At one point, my sister-in-law got a phone call from her brother.

He said, "Yeah, I don't think you need to worry about planting flowers or spray painting the lawn. It's a white trash scene."

My sister-in-law was mortified and suddenly extremely grateful she was anywhere but her house.

Later, her brother mentioned that when they saw the couch in the living room (which has more than a few rips in the fabric), the crew enthusiastically said, "Oh! We should put that out on the porch. It would look perfect."

Personally, I can't wait to see the episode.

Friday, August 5, 2011


Yesterday, I was walking out of Walmart when I noticed a guy vigorously scrubbing his underarms with the disinfectant wipes they supply to clean the handle bars of the carts.

I used to say that if you want to get an accurate snapshot of humanity in all its forms, the best place to go is the DMV.

I think Walmart might be a close second.

And regarding the nice gentleman attempting good hygiene? At least he gave it the old college try.