I don't think I can say "I hate math" anymore.

Watching this video made me want to go back to school and get a degree in mathematics.

And for those of you who know me personally, you are infinitely aware of how close we just got to the apocalypse.

Nordstrom

I don't know if this is just me, but ...

Whenever I have to go through Nordstrom to get to the mall, I break out in cold sweats. I have this feeling that at any minute a troop of security guards will tackle me and escort me off the premises because I don't belong.

As I hurry through the store with my head down and my shoulders hunched, I find myself wondering if I should dust a shelf or re-fold one of the sweaters, since that is the only reason I should ever have for being there.

I honestly don't know how people are able to afford buying such expensive clothes on a regular basis.

And speaking of expensive clothes, my wife laughs whenever she has to try something on at a designer store because she suddenly has to look at clothes that are several sizes smaller. She thinks it is funny that part of the price is paying for the "Size 0" label.

 

Modesties

I grew up in a home that used ... alternate words for sensitive topics.

(Tangent)
My apologies if this post gets a little ... real. Just know that the colliding of my childhood family culture versus the culture I am interested in for my own family has been educational.
(End Tangent)

For example, when I was a kid, going "Number 2" was worded as "having a bowel movement."

(Tangent)
I know, I know. That is remarkably descriptive for a code phrase, isn't it? Hopefully you're not trying to eat while you read this.
(End Tangent)

Likewise, the parts of the male anatomy were generally referred to as "plumbing."

As we have prepared to broach these subjects with our daughter, we wanted to just use the real words for things and avoid all the substitutions. Consequently, when my daughter started asking my wife about her "pillows," my wife used the real term. We thought things were progressing well until one day, my daughter said something about her "modesties."

Needless to say, we were REALLY confused and couldn't figure out what she was talking about.

Finally, she used it in a recognizable sentence, something about not lifting her shirt up because it would show her "modesties."

Once we were out of view, we nearly died laughing ... and it has now been several weeks and we have yet to correct her choice of words.

My Wife's Still Got It

As you may have read previously, I don't respond like a typical male when I see someone checking out my wife or when I find out she has been hit on.

It's my understanding that I'm supposed to launch into a jealous rage, punch the guy out and drag my wife back home by her hair (caveman-style).

Instead, I get a huge grin on my face and try to give her a high five.

The other day, she came home from the dollar store a little disgusted. She said the guy ringing up her purchases suddenly stopped and said,

"There's a special today. For an extra dollar you can have my phone number."

Needless to say, I was over the moon. After grilling her for the details, I found out he was a pretty normally looking guy and was even close to her age.

And in case you're curious, she got a high five.

BFF Kristen Bell

My wife introduced me to Kristen Bell when she played Veronica Mars on the TV show of the same name.

Both of us loved her and the character she played so much that we are willing to watch almost any movie or TV show with her in it.

Her interview on the The Ellen DeGeneres Show had us in stitches, and we are convinced that if she ever got to know us that my wife and I would be her instant BFFs.

(Because we are so unbelievably awesome. Obviously.)

If you haven't seen the interview, please watch the following video.

(And if you don't like her, you have no soul.)