I have a cough.
I’ve had it for 5 days.
There is no end in sight.
I’m almost desperate enough to take drastic measures like sticking a vacuum hose in my mouth to try to suck out the ... flegm … (flegm? flem? phlegm?) … mucus.
It sounds like a shotgun is going off in my cubicle every time the tickle in my throat gets unbearable.
I brought some cookies to work as a peace offering on Monday, but I have a feeling my coworkers are currently plotting my demise. I’m sure it involves a strobe light, water torture and seasons 1 through 3 of Barney and Friends.