Cult Chronicles

As I mentioned, my sister used to be married to a guy whose mom joined a cult in Montana to protect the world from alien invasion by chanting.

For more crazy stories about this, go here, here, here or here.

And, here's another one:

One day, my sister got another surprise phone call from her mother-in-law (now ex-mother-in-law whom we'll call Betty).

At this point, my sister had learned what to expect from these calls. While on the phone, Betty meandered through several topics, but inevitably, she would throw in something about her experiences since becoming "enlightened" (translate: brainwashed). You could bet money that proselyting her group to my sister was the main motivation for the call in the first place.

This was Betty's latest inspiring tale:

Betty went to a reflexologist on a regular basis to help improve her health. This guy was also a member of her cult, so in Betty's mind, I'm sure this was a win-win.



During her appointment, the reflexologist was working on her feet when he suddenly pulled his hands away.

Wacky Reflexologist: Betty, I can't work on your feet today.

Betty: Really? Why?

Wacky Reflexologist: Well, you are so close to perfection, that if I worked on your feet, you would be translated. And your work here on earth is not yet done.

Obviously, this was a real feather in Betty's cap. She had been privately hoping to be called as the next prophetess for the group, and I'm sure she was thrilled at how this would affect her standing among the other members.

For my sister, it wasn't so much a feather in her cap as it was a moment of awkward silence where she tried to figure out how to respond.

Oh, and I'm betting Betty still got a bill for that appointment. I'm also betting she paid it ... happily.