Friday, July 24, 2009

Cult Chronicles

As mentioned previously, my sister used to be married to a guy whose mom joined a cult in Montana to protect the world from alien invasion.

Yes ... you read that right. If you missed the first story, go here.

Here's another story in the saga.

I guess in this cult, the prophetess arranges marriages for her followers. The ex-mother-in-law (we'll call her Janice), invited my sister and her husband (we’ll call him Boris) to her upcoming wedding to some guy within her cultish circles.

So, Boris dragged his entire family (wife and two kids) across the country to Montana to attend the ceremony. The morning of the wedding, they were walking across a field toward a pavilion where it was to take place. Suddenly, Janice looks at her watch and yelled, “Hurry, we have to run!” as she started booking it through the grass. Boris, who tended to be just a little oblivious, ran after her, leaving my sister to fend for herself with a baby and a toddler. As they were running, Janice kept yelling, but my sister couldn’t be sure she heard correctly. It sounded like Janice said, “Run! We have to make it before the shields come down!” over and over.

But, that couldn’t be true, right?

Huffing and puffing, they all stumbled into the pavilion and took their seats. In relief, Janice turned to my sister and smiling, whispered, “We made it!”

As everyone in the cult started chanting, Janice explained why they had to hurry, and my sister found out she HAD heard correctly. Janice wanted them to make it to the building before the shields came down to protect them from the dangerous aliens who wanted to stop all of this from happening.

My sister couldn’t believe it. She glanced out the open doors and saw the trees, the grass and the blue sky. The only thing missing was the shield.

My brother, who tends to be a little irreverent, said she should have gotten up and poked her arm through the doorway.
(End Tangent)

Needless to say, the ceremony itself was just about as logical as an invisible shield made by the chanting audience.


trublubyu said...

keep these stories coming. they crack me up.

trublubyu said...

is your sister still married to boris?

Nathan said...

Thankfully, no. "Boris" developed some other issues that meant my sister had to kick him to the curb.

JMadd said...

Wasn't there sword wielding at the wedding, too?

Nathan said...

You know it!

Yeah, I figure I'd make that another entry. This one was getting a little long.

I'm glad you remember. :)

Heather said...

I am so glad to hear your sister used to be married to this guy!