Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Trauma in Biology

I'm scarred for life. All because of 9th Grade Biology.

It all started with an innocent handout.

We were on the Neanderthal section. My teacher (who could arguably have been old enough to live in the Stone Age), passed out an illustration of a typical caveman skull. After we all had one, he went through it, highlighting the differences between the diagram and our own skulls.

At first, I didn't notice, but every time he brought up a new feature, I would think to myself, "Oh, I have that too."

As the list of similarities grew longer and longer, I started to panic. Here is the full list (at least everything I can remember):
  1. Elongated skull - You should see me try to wear a helmet. Without fail, It pinches at the front and back and has room for me to store a few snacks on the sides.

  2. Bump at the back of the skull - My wife cuts my hair, and I'm sure she struggles to work around my giant knobby bone on the back of my head.

  3. Lump on the top of the skull - Yet another bump my wife has to work around.

  4. Prominent brow ridge - I always tell people that my brow ridge is so prominent that my eyes are still in shadow, even when I stare directly at the sun.

  5. Pointed canine teeth - In school, people used to call me a vampire. Part of it probably had to do with my pasty white skin, but a lot had to do with my pointy teeth.

Bottom line: I'm the missing link.

1 comment:

krystal said...

Those cavemen must have been handsome if they looked like you, dear.