Why can't we eat weeds?

I've recently discovered something about myself. I have a skill, and I'm actually pretty good at it. In fact, I could probably teach a class.

We have a garden plot, and I've learned that I'm a PRO at growing weeds. You're probably all impressed because it takes some aptitude and some finesse to grow a good quality weed.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but this year's crop may get me into the record books.

If anyone wants advice on how to get weeds to flourish instead of wasting time on lettuce, cucumbers or carrots (who wants those?), just let me know. I'll even give you a discount.



In other news, do you know what I'll be spending most of my weekend working on? I'll give you one guess.

I miss my family

Right now, I'm living on frozen burritos and bagels. Why?

My wife and daughter are gone.

They are up visiting my mother-in-law while my father-in-law is away on business. I'm glad they are able to spend time together, but it means I'm all alone.

Now, it may sound cool to eat chips in bed and chew with my mouth open, but it doesn't even compare to a kiss from my wife or the excitement on my daughter's face when I walk through the door at the end of the day.

I guess this week, you can call me Eeyore.

How To Article of the Week

This week: 12 Ways to Get Rid of a Stubborn Bad Smell in a Room

I love step 2. Do people actually try to get rid of smells while leaving the source of the odor in the room?

Genius.

Influenza

My wife has had influenza for more than a week.

Not the stomach version. The nasty one.

I've tried my best to take care of her and of our daughter and of our house, but this has been a great reminder of how much she does.

She's a saint, and it's rough to see her try to fall asleep in a sitting position since she can't breathe laying down. I don't like having to leave for work, knowing our daughter will bounce off the walls most of the day, preventing my wife from getting any rest.

I'll be relieved when she's better.

The Baloney Train - Matt Koval

I'm sure we've all had experiences like this. Unrealistic expectations and unfulfilled hopes.

If you haven't, at least Matt and I are now a club of two.

Adventures in the Kitchen: Shirley J

It's been a week since I got my winnings, and I thought I would report on what we've tried so far from the Shirley J product line.

We've tried the white cheddar sauce over the top of baked potatoes and broccoli, and I thought it was pretty good. I have a weakness for white cheddar, and anything cheese related in general, so I definitely enjoyed this one. I'm also looking forward to experimenting with it a little more.

We also cooked chicken in the slow cooker on Sunday and used the chicken seasoning for slow cookers. My wife's parents were in town, and the verdict was unanimous. We would definitely use it again.

So far, we've really liked them. I'm excited to try the all-purpose seasoning and the dough enhancer, so I'll let you know when I have.

It was funny to use them, because my main experience with powder in cooking are the cheese pouches in the boxes of macaroni and cheese and the flavor packets in Raman noodles. I kept wondering if the end result would taste like something I made when I was a starving student.

Thankfully, they don't.

My alter ego

I found this Pro Wrestler Name Generator online.

According to the site, my name is Titanic Frost. I think I'm going to go by that from now on. That way, at least my name will be intimidating.

There is even a girl version. My wife is now Lush Justice and my daughter is Honey Jane.

What's yours?

Disclaimer: I'm not really a fan of wrestling, just to be clear.

How To Article of the Week

This week: How to Dye Hair With Kool Aid

Do people actually do this? I've just never heard of it before.

Jesus' Birthday

As a kid, I had some pretty interesting thoughts go through my head. In particular, I remember being a little sad that my birthday wasn't the same as Jesus' birthday.

In my warped logic, I imagined everyone in heaven grouping together based on their birthday. It made me depressed knowing that Jesus would be in some other group.

1 Samuel 16:7

I love underdog stories. It's great to see unassuming people that challenge our conventional thinking. I think that's why I loved these two clips from Britain's Got Talent so much. Before they ever sang, the audience and the judges had already written them off.

It reminds me to look beyond the surface.

See Paul Potts here.

See Susan Boyle here.

It reminded me of when Samuel was called by the Lord to anoint the new king of Israel. He saw David's older brother, and immediately thought he was the next king.

Here is what the Lord said (1 Samuel 16:7):

"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

I Won!

The last time I won something, it was 1992 at a Scout pancake breakfast. They pulled my number in the raffle and I walked away with a Desert Storm baseball hat.

A little while ago, I entered a contest from Shirley J. The prize included their entire product line, and I knew there was no chance I would win because I already had my 15 seconds of fame with that stupid hat.

Imagine my surprise when I got the email saying I actually won. My wife is excited to try them out, and I'm excited to taste them. Evidently, these guys already sell these products to a bunch of restaurants in the area, but they are branching out into the consumer market. They're in Orem, Utah, but I know they take orders online.

Matt Koval

I just found a bunch of videos by Matt Koval. He's pretty funny, to the point that I start to doubt whether it was a good idea for me to venture into this blogging thing (since I can't hope to match his delivery).

Here's one I really liked about catch phrases.

This can't be real. It just can't.

My sister showed this to me last night. I was dumbfounded.

This can't be real, right? I can't imagine anyone thinking this was a good idea.

Spring Fever

I'm more than ready for the warm weather to start.

However, there is one thing that will readily replace all my complaints about the snow.

Mowing the lawn.

I hate it. Almost to the point of being tempted to lay down astro turf. Almost.

Easter Egg Hunt

I'm easily amused, and I think my parents found this out at an early age.

A perfect example is our annual Easter egg hunt. I never knew there was anything odd about our family hunts until my wife and I were discussing Easter traditions.



Here is what we did:

At some point during the Easter holiday, my mom dug the giant bag filled with plastic eggs out of storage. One of my siblings would drag it outside and hide the eggs while I danced with excitement in the living room. Once I got the "all clear," I would dash outside in a frantic hunt for the eggs. After filling up my basket, I would dump the eggs back into the bag and they would go directly into storage, ready for next year.

Did you notice anything odd?

Yep ... no candy. Zip.

We would have candy in our Easter baskets, but none in the eggs. I never noticed, and probably wouldn't have cared if I did, because it was all about the hunt.

Even now, I don't feel gypped, but my wife sure thinks it's an odd way to do an Easter egg hunt.

How To Article of the Week

This week: How to Make a Thaumatrope

A what?!?

There's a new vocabulary word for you. Use it in a sentence today.

Old News

I know this is old, but I'm still laughing about this ... months later.

Tina Fey does a great Sarah Palin and I love Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton.

Taking the beach with us

I love the ocean. For me, there's nothing like sitting on the warm sand, reading a good book, while the waves crash in the distance. Growing up, if we were going out of state for a while, we would collect some sand from the beach, put it in a jar and take it with us. It would be a little reminder of home.

I always loved this idea, and I have some pretty fond memories from those jars.

Last year, we took our daughter to the beach for the first time. It may be silly, but my wife was willing to let me be sentimental, and we collected some sand for a jar to go in her room.

This is a picture of our footprints ... (feetprints?) ... (the prints left by our feet?).

I've also been told it makes a great optical illusion.

Are the prints indented or popping out?

D.A.R.E.

When I was in elementary school, everyone was a D.A.R.E. kid.

Did anyone else go through this program?



I don't really remember anything from D.A.R.E. because my parents had already made it clear that drugs were DEFINITELY not on the list of approved extracurricular activities.

The only memory I have is after our D.A.R.E. graduation. Everyone was excited to get their free t-shirt, and some of the overachievers (which I may or may not have been a part of ... allegedly) were excited show just how ready they were to turn down drugs.

(Tangent)
By way of background, you should know that my hometown was home to some pretty weird kids. I don't know if it was the pollution or the proximity to a drainage canal, but we had some winners.
(End Tangent)

After the ceremony, I was playing with my friends at recess, and this kid came stumbling up to me. He was from somewhere in Eastern Europe (with a thick accent to match), and I guess he was trying to be a self-proclaimed mole for the D.A.R.E. officer. As he staggered up to me, pretending to be drunk, he held out an empty IBC Root Beer bottle and a bunch of playground weeds wrapped up in a piece of paper, and asked, "Vould you like to trrry some drrrugs?"

Thanks to him (or more likely thanks to my parents), I'm still drug free.

Birthday Tradition

Have any of you ever seen this plate?



Growing up, my parents had one of these and would bring it out every year for each of our birthdays.

Looking back, it's kind of surprising how much a little gesture like that can affect me so greatly. I LOVED this plate. I loved getting the chance to eat off it, and I really did feel special on those days.

Now, that I have a family of my own, we have a plate as well. Even though it stares at us from the china cabinet during every meal, I usually forget it's there. I'm just hoping I'll remember to use it by the time my kids start remembering things.

79th Anniversary

Today is the 79th anniversary of the Twinkie.

Yep, evidently we owe the huge craze to James Dewar, a bakery manager who noticed their shortcake pans were only getting used during strawberry season.

Find everything you wanted to know about the Twinkie here or here.

LED Sheep

I saw this on Word to Your Mother.

I think I want their autographs.

SAMSUNG LED SHEEP @ Yahoo! Video

How To Article of the Week

This week: How to Make a Shrimp out of a Plastic Straw

Some people have way too much time on their hands.

This:


Becomes this:

Family Resemblance

Apparently, there are more than just two Olsen twins ...

Exhibit A -- Mary Kate:

found while blog stalking i *heart* you

Exhibit B -- unnamed triplet(s):

If they ever do a live-action remake of The Dark Crystal, I know who should play the main characters.

For the record: The Olsen twins are not ugly. This picture just bore remarkable similarities one of Jim Henson's muppets.

At least the snow didn't do this ...

As depressing as the snow was a few days ago, at least we didn't have to deal with this.

April Fools!

I only have one vivid memory of April Fool's Day.

One year, my friend and I tried to be sneaky and clever. We'd seen this joke where you cover pieces of soap in chocolate and serve them as a prank.

How hard could it be, right?

First problem: Cutting soap into cubes with my toothpick arms was a joke (I'm amazed I didn't lose a finger).

Second problem: I had no idea how to melt chocolate and didn't use a double boiler.

The result? Misshapen cubes covered in burned chocolate.

We couldn't get anyone to try them.