Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Read this now ... No, seriously. NOW.

Katelin over at Blah Blah Blog posted this, and I was literally compelled to steal it and post it over here.

I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Read through the entire thread, but don't scroll too fast or you'll see the pictures early and ruin the surprise.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me.

It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

SHANNON: This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white about 8 months old. Missing on Harper Street and my phone number.

Thanks, Shan.

DAVID: Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David

SHANNON: yeah ok thanks. I know you don't like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

DAVID: Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David

SHANNON: Yeah that's not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

DAVID: Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David

SHANNON: That's just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks

DAVID: Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David

SHANNON: This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

DAVID: Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

SHANNON: yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

DAVID: Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but then he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David

SHANNON: Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

DAVID: I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen you orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
Regards, David

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

SHANNON: I didn't say there was a reward. I don't have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

DAVID: Subject Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

SHANNON: Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

DAVID: Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

SHANNON: Fine. That will have to do.


Carrot Jello said...

Dude, I was going to link to her blog. You ruined my plans.
I'll get you for this.
Oh yes. Be afraid.
Be very afraid.

Shorty said...

Hilarious story! Thanks for the laugh!

JMadd said...

I needed that laugh, big time!

trublubyu said...

that's funny. very funny.

Tia said...

haha that was hilarious.

i love the jaunty tilt to the red hat. that cat has attitude.