Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Freak of Nature

This post was inspired by an arm hair split end ...

I'm a freak of nature. I wish I could say this because I have some kind of special mind powers or super strength or even the ability to commit (although, my wife says I already have this one down, so maybe I should add it to my list).

But, should I tell you what it is? I mean ... some day, I might need my secret identity, and here I've already blown it. I guess since no one reads this thing anyway it's no big deal, right?

So get ready to be BLOWN A-WAY ...

... (drum roll) ...

The middle finger on my right hand is about an eighth of an inch longer than the middle finger on my left hand. Even cooler, my toes match (right middle is longer than left middle).

The problem is, I don't know if I can hack it. The pressure of having a gift like this is just too great sometimes. I don't want to squander my abilities for myself. I'm thinking of the greater good. So far, nothing else has manifested, but I'm holding out for the ability to fly or bulletproof skin. I'll keep you posted.

This brings me to my dilemma. I've racked my brain looking for good crime fighting applications of this gift, and the only thing I've come up with is that I can use my "extension" to really get noticed if I want to flip off a guy robbing a bank or stealing a candy bar from the store. (Clarification to the mother who raised me to be a good boy: Mom, you taught me to never flip people off, and I'm happy to say I never have. This is just in theory ...)

So, until my other powers arrive, I'm pretty much stumped. However, if anyone needs an extra long middle finger, you know where to find me.


trublubyu said...

i'm sure there are super power implications here. why would you be blessed with extra-lengthy phalanges and no power? maybe you should try flipping someone off just to see if that's where your super power is hidden.

i promise to keep your identity secret when those powers manifest.

JMadd said...

I flipped my sister off once, and it felt good, but I imagine it would feel better if I had an extra-long middle finger. I guess that's just something I'll never know.