Monday, November 3, 2008

If I don't like football, do I owe you a man card?

I don't like football, and believe me, I tried. It seems like it's a right of passage and should be on every adult male's agenda to watch at least one game per week.

But I don't like it. In fact, I don't like watching sports in general on TV. Being at a game is a different story, but watching on my couch has never held much appeal. As a result, I don't follow any teams and sound like an idiot when my friends talk about the finer points of a particular sport.

This wasn't a recent development either. When I was little, my dad would take me to baseball games because he had season tickets. I went for the food. It was almost a religious ritual. I started with a hot dog and a drink. That usually lasted 1 or 2 innings. Then I moved onto a bag of peanuts. Depending on how much I dragged this out, I could really make these last for a while. Then, I finished it all off with a frozen malt.

These seats were in the dugout, so in between stuffing my face, I annoyed the security at the entrance by pretending I had urgent business outside the dugout area. When they first let you in, they stamped your hand with a UV stamp. Then, you had to hold it up under a black light if you ever left the area. I probably made 20 trips out each game. By the end of the evening, the guard would just wave me through, but I insisted on showing him my stamp. It was SO cool to see it appear under the light.

The other indicator that I never liked sports was when I watched TV at home. My dad would come in and ask if he could just get the score. I would grudgingly hand him the remote, and half an hour later, he'd still be sitting there. It's mesmerizing for him, but I just couldn't get into it.

So, there you go. I have to give all of you a man card. My only consolation is that my wife loves my ambivalence of sports.


JMadd said...

My husband doesn't watch football... and he is about as manly as they come. I do watch football. What does that make me?

Dun said...

You can still hold onto your man card (because I'm the arbiter of these things). It's kind of like the "Justice/Mercy" parable: I will agree to like sports, especially football, enough to cover your apathy.

There, it's settled. Feel better? :D